Tis (almost) the year's midnight...

and the day's....

Today is the last day of summer — apparently! The starlings are off to Africa, everything is hunkering down, and despite the shiver I get at this time of year now - from memories of that time in the car when the cold set in — I still love more than anything this whole season— the long, slow striptease of autumn.


Thanks very much for your emails. Yes, I am well, just haven't written in here much because I am concentrating on looking ahead, putting all this behind me, trying to get back to where I was.... Things these days are, mostly, good — definitely mostly good. Even though at times it still feels as though I am holding up the sky with one hand. Especially as we begin the long run-up to Christmas.

Try as I might to shrug it off, and no matter how many people I surround myself with, Christmas will probably always be dimmed a bit by loneliness for me — it probably always has been — but now that I've written my book and so can no longer be in touch with any member of the family I used to have, ever again — even if I wanted to - in case they find out and get hurt and/or angry. We can't even just play 'happy families' once a year as we had for years, years back. I used to love Christmas, I still do, but there is a loneliness about it now, people not there who should be there, whatever you feel about them. I find myself looking on it almost as a chore, wishing it was over already. There are worse things though. Having lived in my car for all that time, I now feel very qualified to say that. I need to remember it....No matter how tough or hopeless things seem - I know there can definitely be worse.

Besides, this year I will be with someone who I know cares for me, and with other lovely people — and, before the Christmas tree is dusted off and the tinsel untangled from its boxes, we've got the year going down in flames, in another spectacular autumn to look forward to! Why am I thinking of Christmas already....Now is the perfect time of year.