WanderingScribe

Feb, 2006. For the past five months I have been living alone in a car at the edge of the woods — jobless and homeless and totally unable to find a way out. I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't scream loudly enough, alI I can do is write. So here I am laying down tracks...hopefully the start of an online paper trail out of here. (Update: my blog was 'discovered' and I eventually got a publishing deal and made it out of my car to write a book about it... Miracles do happen.)

Saturday, June 02, 2012

R.I.P. Dad


Brendan died last night. My soul hurts.

85 Comments:

At 7:30 am, Anonymous Nekonron said...

Sorry to hear about that :( Hope you're hanging in there.

 
At 10:18 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just finished reading your book, jumped straight onto your blog as it has it listed at the end - found your latest entry. Very shcoked - thoughts are with you

 
At 5:56 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chin up! May he rest in peace. HUGS

 
At 9:26 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I discovered you through the article you wrote in reader's digest in 2008.I just saw it.And the next second i invaded ur blog and i see a piece of hurtful entry.Im saddened and I pray hard that he r.i.p.Take Care and long live as we need u to realize us of the many good things that life has to offer us.
Regards,
Thiviya(Malaysia)

 
At 1:51 pm, Anonymous elaene said...

my condolences to you, dear..

 
At 12:54 pm, Blogger peacesojourner said...

Dear Anya - I just sent you a message - thinking of you on this day.
peacesojourner

 
At 9:00 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Anya,have just finished your book what a very brave girl you are ,very sorry about your loss

 
At 1:57 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just read your book. I can't believe how strong you are and I'm sorry about your loss. I just want to say that I admire you for always being so strong and making your way through all the huge setbacks you needed and still need to deal with. Anya you're the best, take care of yourself!

Sincerely

A 15 year old girl from Sweden.

 
At 7:35 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anya, I just read the article on you in Readers' Digest. My condolences and the best of luck to you.

 
At 4:59 pm, Blogger Catie Bells said...

I'm so sorry to hear that... Please hang in there.


By the way I'm from Portugal and I loved your book, it's so true in every single way. Please keep fighting.

 
At 7:31 pm, Blogger moppy said...

I would just like to put my arms around you and hug you gently like a baby should be hugged, and loved.
so the endorphins in your brain would be released and you would feel really good. We are like stars and there is a place for every single one of us. If you think about your emotions, they can be in the driver's seat, but they don't need to be, you can take the control from them. I am also in an abusive relationship. I cried when you describe at the end of your book when you asked for help. I break down at that point.
I send you heartfelt love from a stranger who is also just hanging onto a shred of love.

 
At 9:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have read your book 'abandoned' and having to get to know you and your dad so well init he seemed to be an amazing guy, r.i.p Brendan<3

 
At 5:48 am, Blogger NicoleJoyce said...

Hi Anya, I have seconds ago finished your book. It was heartbreaking yet so inspirational. I pray that God will hold you in the palm of his hand through this difficult time. With love and blessings, Nicole (Australia)

 
At 9:43 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anya also just finished your book Abandoned my heart and prayer's go out to you. Follow the moon Brendan is there always looking out for you now, that is the reason he took the time to stop with you in the car to show you how to stop the world and reflect. I Felt for Brendan as well as you. Take care Anya I really hope love and peace are with you soon. Also I hope you keep up this blog so I can pop in time to time to see how your doing. Donna

 
At 10:05 am, Blogger donna Smith said...

Hi again Anya just opened an account so left a blog address for any replys. Take care again.

 
At 10:54 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

also just finished reading your book, thinking of you and hoping your life s good for you now. never forget the strength that you have, you are an inspiration to people to find their way in life and to forgive. keep strong and I wish so much app unless for you.
Irene

 
At 10:59 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ast comment was meant to say - I wish so much happiness for you. I hate predictive text.

 
At 11:09 pm, Blogger MysteryWriter said...

oh my gosh anya your story is an incredible one, and im so sorry about your dad, from your book he seems such a lovely person and i am really sorry for your loss

 
At 12:55 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read your book a couple of weeks ago, just remembered you mentioned you had a blog. Your story is really inspiring, so sorry to read that your latest post is such a sad one.
I hope things get better for you, you really do deserve some happiness.

xx

 
At 6:54 am, Anonymous Varshita Ramesh said...

Dear Anya,
I just read 'Abandoned' and i was so involved in it, i was reading it up until 2am or so. It's such a touching book and it's amazing how strong you are. You are my inspiration, and i'm very sorry for your loss. Brendan seems like he was a good person :)

take care x
Varshita, 13

 
At 2:31 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anya,

I have just finished reading your book 'Abandoned' and came straight to your blog, to see your latest entry... sorry to hear of your sad news. Keep strong as you have been throughout your life.

Take care

 
At 4:29 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Anya,

I've just finished your book and here i am.

Sorry to hear about your loss :( Hang in there like you always did throughout all those years, stay strong & brave!

When times get tough, remember that you are not alone.

Fighting Anya! Things are going to get so much better! May God bless you.

Take care,
Lots of Hearts&Huggs,

Janice from Singapore :>

 
At 8:28 pm, Anonymous lexi caldwell said...

hey anya i just finished reading your book and its given me so much hope in life as i was sexual abused by my older brother for 9years an only this year i spoke up my family dis owed me an i went life alone i met a guy not so long ago an im stayin with him and my life seems to be gettin back on track i hope things are going well for you <3 x

 
At 2:17 pm, Blogger king abdaoe said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 10:48 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just finished your book as I read it I couldn't cry more in my life it's so upsetting that you went through all that I feel so sorry for you but I'm glad it had a happy ending otherwise I wouldn't be able to live thank you anya

 
At 10:52 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even though I didn't know brendan he seemed like such a nice guy your dad I'm so sorry he died may god keep him safe

 
At 9:09 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hugs from Sweden .. I read your book and I can not believe how strong you are .. I wrote a comment earlier but it could not be sent :/. But just want to show my concern .. Really sorry for Brendan's death :( and I hope you will take care of yourself now and in the future!

 
At 11:25 am, Blogger Anna Rosa Designs said...

Dearest Anya,
I have just finished reading your book and jumped on to read your blog.

I feel I know you and felt your pain as I read your story.

You are a sweet, strong soul!

Sorry to read your father, Brendan has passed away.

I'll continue to read your blog and wish you all the very best!
Gentle hugs,
Anna

 
At 10:26 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Anya,
Sorry for your dad...
I just read your book, I finished at 2am, could'nt stop. I think you are very brave, I think your book should read every mum, every dad, because I could feel your pain. I feel very sorry that you lost your childhood full of joy, full of loving people. Nobody can treat any child like you was treated, nobody. Anya, I want to send all my best wishes to you, be strong,and positive as it is possible, I know that it's not easy sometimes.
Lina

 
At 2:44 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anya,

Just finished your book. Sorry to hear your father passed away.

Sending you love and wishing you the best. Thank you for your courage to survive and tell your story.

Ellen in USA

 
At 3:01 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dearest Anya,
firstly sorry about your father and i hope he rests in peace.
secondly i just finished reading your book, really you are one of the bravest people i know. u've had your ups and downs but the important part of it is u learned to cope with it and discovered yourself.
Wishing you all the happiness and luck in the world.

Ocean from Australia.

 
At 4:08 am, Blogger Cute-wendy said...

I started reading your book a few days ago...i just finished reading and i have been crying while reading your book for the past few days...the moment i finished reading, i viewed your blog...and saw such a heart breaking news...i know it might very late but i wanted to say...he might be gone...but he still lives in your heart...and will always be looking out for u, up there...

Aishwariya (Ash) from Singapore

 
At 1:09 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have just finished your book and with tears in my eyes i have to say you are in inspiration. i wish you all the happiness in the world because you truly deserve it.

Shannon (19) from QLD australia

 
At 10:08 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Found your book a heart breaking read as well as an inspiration. Such a strong brave young women who conquered all the demons

 
At 8:01 pm, Anonymous Malin from Sweden said...

Just finished your book and went straight to your blog.
No one should have to go throw what you have.
I feel for you and I am sorry for your loss.

I wish you all the best!!!

 
At 8:22 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i just finished your book and i think you are an amazing lady, you have been through so much yet you have managed to get through it, i wish you the best of luck, and im so sorry to hear of your loss my thoughts are with you x

kim from leeds

 
At 3:32 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorrry about your loss your such a strong woman you can get through anything!

 
At 11:58 am, Anonymous Tracy said...

May he rest in peace.. Sorry to hear.. Just finished your book..
I hoped you had a good relation with your dad and you talked trouhg tings together..

I´ve too been sexual abused ... by my stepfather
It´s terrible that children have to keep such secrets..

I hope you live your life well and with one step a time you will reach to whatever you want!!!

You´ve tuched my heart...

Keep up dear!
Hugs from Sweden

 
At 5:50 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Omg! I just read your book I was so shocked to read what happened): Poor you girl): I no the feeling): Keep smiling :D you rock my world true inspiration right their ! Well done for never giving up or going to drugs :D Sorry to hear about your Dad may he rest in peace.

Good luck for the future & keep your chin up if you've made it this far you can keep going :D

Hugs from New Zealand!!

 
At 7:59 pm, Blogger kez said...

My condolences to You, You are very brave and strong girl, Anya! Live your life be free. Hugs, Kosta.

 
At 9:17 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry your father Brendan passed away.

 
At 4:51 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just finished your book. And I have to say It was inspiring , dark, sad, heartbreaking, and amazing story. I been in similiar situation and growing up. Was thinking of writting my own tell-all book but im afraid my family would be shock. Maybe one day. Im sorry about Brendan.. always remember God wouldnt let you go through anything u couldnt handle. Stay strong. Hoping to hear from you.. *Kat email: katiekat8847@gmail.com

 
At 6:47 pm, Blogger mamma jersmyr said...

Hi , i´ve just finished your book and went straight to your blog , as Im a blogger myself !! I´m sorry about Brendan ;(
Keep up the work ! Youre story was heartbreaking !!

Anette from Sweden




 
At 3:14 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anya,
Your book is so insperatioanl and heart breaking im sorry to hear of your fathers passing I'm glad your life is getting back on track.... You remained strong when so many people turn to drugs and alcohol..... I couldn't put it down kim from aus xo

 
At 6:49 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anya, i need to thank you first to pen down your thoughts on your life. It was not easy for me to read and only understood how harrowing it was for you to experience it. I loved the way you kept instilling courage in you . Love you d way you're truely . You're d strongest person i've come across so far in my life . Keep goin . Take care .

 
At 12:55 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6:50 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have just finished reading your book and also went on line and read about Brendon's passing. My heart is with you as my Mum also passed away on 6 June 2012.

 
At 11:33 am, Anonymous Helen said...

Hi there. I have just finished reading your book. It has been hard for me to put it down.
I live in Sweden and got over this book on a yardsale. I think that you are a very strong women after what you have been trough.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I hope that you two found a way back after all that happens before he past away.

Have a nice weekend. Hugs Helen

 
At 12:26 pm, Anonymous Kal said...

Hi Anya,

Your book is truly a story about absolute courage. I admire you for your bravery, your courage, by simply living up to who you really are within! :)

I hope you are coping well. In everything, you are indeed blessed. God has watched over your life and protected you.. :)

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Hope this encourages you!

God Bless You!

XOXO frm Singapore~

 
At 5:45 pm, Anonymous Sarah, Birmingham, United Kingdom said...

Hi Anya, I just finished reading your book, it made me cry :'(
No child should ever have to go through what you did, so awful.
I'm so glad you came through it all and are doing well for yourself, you should be so so proud of the woman you have became.
I am very sorry for your loss, I was truly shocked to have just finished reading your book to then come on here and discover Brendan had passed.
All my love to you x x

 
At 3:09 pm, Blogger robyncalgary said...

Thinking of you

 
At 11:33 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:19 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi anya

I'm so sorry for your loss firstly. I've just finished your book and it's truly inspirational and touching. You have the strenghth and heart to overcome these obstacles in your life which will help you succed in life. The angels are truly watching over you and always will.
Much love
Heena xx

 
At 4:36 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello anya..ive just finished your book..i just like to say if any of my 4 girls turn out such a strong and lovely person like u i would be soo proud...big luck to the future lots of love.
shelley x

 
At 5:17 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey anya,
just finshed reading your book,your a brave strong women its hard to imagine while ive sat in my nice warm house over the years when there people out there who need our help who dont deserve the horrible things that happen.sorry to hear about your loss but i am sure you will make it trough like you have done over the years. my love is with you at this horrible time thankyou for reading my comment :) x

 
At 12:45 pm, Blogger john o'sullivan said...

Hello scribe, I just finished reading your book with tears in my eyes. I had to read your blog to get a sense of the reality of this story. Having just read your most recent update, I am so sorry to hear that. I know from your book you had a strong connection with Brendan even before you knew him to be your father. My thoughts and prayers are with you Anya, keep strong.

 
At 11:08 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anya, read your book and found your story very moving. Love and prayers that life will bless you with kind and giving people in your future, you deserve them. Barbara

 
At 8:12 pm, Blogger nemo said...

Honestly I don't know what to say. you must still be struggling with the loss of Brendan and I hope you find that strength from within to get through this. your book brought tears to my eyes especially as some parts I could relate too its amazing how inspiring one person's life tragedies can be. I have some ideas I'd like to discuss with you if you ever. have the time. my blog was set up for people to be able toanonymously tell share a secret and how reaching out when our identity is concealed is one of the safest but hardest things to do. you should read some of the comments people left it took off even though it was for a short time the things people shared was touching. thank you. nemo ( which is Latin btw for stranger/nobody) now I know I am somebody but still a stranger to most

 
At 9:25 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just read your book, is fantastic and certainly admire you a lot, you are a real woman, strength, I am with you, keeps you strong!

 
At 3:10 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also just finished reading your book, might I add I couldnt put it down. Your heart breaking story had me close to tears on so many occassions and I couldnt think of anyone more deserving of a second chance at life then you Anya. Your an inspiration. Sorry to hear about Brendan, may he rest in peace, and like stated in your book, everytime you look at the moon he will be there. God bless.

 
At 5:40 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just finished reading your book , your such a strong person to have gone through what you went through. Not many people could go through what you did and still have strength and hope.

 
At 10:51 pm, Blogger Growinguptogether said...

I recently just read your book and HAD to look up your blog. Your story was heartbreaking to me. At the same time it got my thinking about my own adventure and where my life has taken an unusual path from a single teenaged mother struggling to a new nurse finally finding her footing. I have struggled greatly but seeing where you have been and what you have made of it inspired me to create my own blog so hopefully teenage mothers old and young can find their own inspiration.

 
At 10:59 pm, Blogger Growinguptogether said...

I recently read your book. I read your struggles and what you had to do to overcome them. I had HAD to come and find your blog. I know struggle. I was a teenaged mother very young. Now I am a newly licensed nurse who is finally putting things together. Reading where you came from and what you have made of it is inspiring. Stories like yours reminds me there is always hope. I just started my own blog in hope that teenaged mother old and young will read it and find their inspiration too. Thank you for sharing your story.

 
At 9:09 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anya,

I just want you to know that you are one of the rare lucky survivors of abuse. Most victims of abuse either fall into drugs, drink or eating disorders. My cousin suffered abuse at the hands of my uncle. To this day she holds herself to restricted diets, a form of control I suppose.

Seeking help and opening up to past pains is the best way to overcome abuse. Covering up and hiding all the emotions is a way to survive but not the best way to heal.

Keep up the good work and may your book help many others to heal and speak out.

 
At 11:34 am, Anonymous jan said...

DEAR Anya, I read your book and was so devasted and wild at what you had gone through in life, my heart went out to you, and Im so proud of you to think that what you went through you did not hit drugs or self harm yourself even though the thoughts may have been their. Sympathy at the loss off your father ,may your heart heal. Be proud of how you have come through, your an inspirational person. Iwish you all the best.

 
At 10:18 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anya,
I have just finished reading your inspirational book. God Bless you & continue to take you from strength to strength. You truly are an inspiration to so many.

 
At 1:30 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anya I am so sorry to hear that your dad has passed,you are a very courage's young lady. I felt all the emotions when reading your book, and when I got to the end and found that you have a room. I was so happy for you. I had top get on your blog to wish you all the best and will always be thinking of you......take care, Sue from Australia

 
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At 3:48 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anya, I just this evening finished reading your book. I admire you for the strength and tenacity you have shown, even as a small child, in fighting for your place in this life. Best of luck to you.

 
At 10:26 pm, Blogger joanne turner said...

Wow. The things you have gone through. Its amazing that you are still here fighting. I have just finnished your book and wanted to see if life had gotten any better for ypu. Its a shame your dad has died. He seemed like a loverly man. Godbless him. And you.

From joanne turner. A thirteen year old girl from wolverhampton. West midlands.

Ps i know how it feels when someone has died. When my nan died i cut myself away frolm the world. I also cut myself physically. Please if you ever ned stimulating dont tyurn to this. My arm got infected and it is now painful to move. And i was ever so careful.

 
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At 1:59 pm, Anonymous Joanne said...

Just finished your book 'Abandoned' truely touching hope the future stays bright for you :) x

 
At 12:36 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Anya, I just wanted to say i'm truly sorry for you loss i am currently reading you book and i'm honestly delighted that you had the strength to get away from your uncle after what he did to you... maybe this meansi can finally let go of what was done to me

Thank you for saving me.

 
At 1:24 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear of your loss. The amount of stuff you have had to go through is unbelievable... :(

 
At 10:05 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Anya,
I just read your book Abandoned and I was crying so much!! I am so sorry to hear about this. R.I.P Brendan, may God be with you forever xx

 
At 11:19 pm, Anonymous Buy Youtube Views said...

Hi Anya,

I'm sorry about loss but stay strong I know your Daddy is always there to guide you.

 
At 7:58 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anya, your name should have a meaning of Courage and Strength. Just finished reading your book,sat and read your words through tears streaming down my face on many of the chapters.You truely are a Hero.

 
At 6:26 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about your father. I have just finished reading your book you are one amazing lady take care you are such an awesome person :-) New Zealand

 
At 10:07 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just finished reading your book! Your book is so deep, you're an inspiration to many! I respect you & somehow it feels like I know you personally! You book was emotional to me & I'm proud to say your book is the only book I got through without being bored. I saw your blog website linked in the book and I jumped straight on it.
I'm very sorry for your loss, I know it was a year ago but still.
Your book is such an inspiration & for some reason I wish it didn't end. I felt like I connected you! Such a brave person & such a masssiveee inspiration!!

Facebook- shelby tropman
Twitter- shelbytropmanxx
I would love to speak to you further!:)

 
At 3:33 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too like many others have read your book. My heart goes out to you. Sorry for your loss. I to have been lost mentally and fiscally abused and was raped. Iv been homeless on more than one occasion. And I know that although I have been through so much. No everyone would believe me. So Anya I know life has not been easy for you but there are people out there thinking of you and wishing you love joy and happiness. Bless you. Sooky x

 
At 3:51 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What happend to your birth mother is she in your life

 
At 8:37 pm, Blogger Jacky Smit said...

Sorry to hear about your dad - he is where we are going to - its a journey. Thank you very much for sharing your story - it has had a great impact on my life and filled me with hope and faith again. Keep well you are in my prayers.
Jacky

 
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At 5:13 am, Blogger Robbie said...

Dear Anya, I have just finished reading 'Abandoned' in a 6 hour sitting. I could not stop turning the pages as I related strongly to many of your childhood experiences, and consequential inner turmoil. Through your story I have gained a greater understanding and acceptance of why I have made some of the choices I have. Your incredible strength shines through in your beautifully written book and I am so grateful to you for sharing. Continuing strength and much love to you on your journey xo

 
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