Just words

The book is entirely out of my hands now, but the pressure still hasn't lifted. Several times a night these last few nights I've woken in heavy sweats, desperatley wanting to change words I am no longer able to change. It is a terrifying thing to accept that the way I said things on particular days sometime at the end of last year are now set forever.

I woke up and lay in the dark at 3am last night trying to force myself to remember the words of the serenity prayer. I eventually remembered 'accept...', 'change...' and 'know the difference...' But I couldn't string the rest of it together or get any comfort from even the jist of it.

They are just words I keep telling myself, just, just words... But it hasn't been easy letting go of them.